Climbing steep hills.

I thought I'd start this post with a weigh-in.

On Sunday I weighed 226.

Two Hundred Twenty Six pounds. WOW. That number seems sooo big to me. More than big it seems so unhealthy. I was so down about that number. I felt like I had tried so hard and got nothing. Then I dwelled on it and kept thinking about that stinking number. And lost track of what I was supposed to be doing. I went a whole day without 1 ounce of water, I didn't walk and I spent the whole day beating myself up about it. Then I woke up today, took a shower, brushed my teeth and hair and thought...What good am I doing if I dwell on everything I did wrong or everything that went wrong? What about the fact that I walked at least 2 miles 5 days last week or that I drank more water than I EVER have before? That is a pretty big deal right? While my weight didn't melt off of me like I thought it should have it didn't increase and in my book we are going to call that a win for this week :)

I went yesterday and bought my goal dress. It's a super cute size 11 strapless dress. Also it was only 10 bucks so that makes it even better. I have no clue where I would wear but I will definitely find somewhere to where once I am down to that size. When I get to that Size I'll buy something else in a size 5 for my ultimate goal :)

In other news:

My employer is switching all sorts of things around on me. I am trying to be optimistic but it is just not working. I am going from working at home and being with my son all day to working in office for less hours. We are seriously struggling to figure out how we will make this work. Less hours plus gas money to go to and from the office will make money very tight. We can't turn off our phone for another year and we won't use it since I'm not at home working anymore. I thought about getting a second job but it would be next to impossible to find a day care that will work for us since I would need them from 5:15 am until 1:30ish just on Tuesdays and Thursday then some nights if I get a second job. I am working on other ways to save like couponing and I am thinking of doing a direct sales type job also but I didn't do very well with Avon so I'm not sure how I'd do with something different.

This week I am going to work on walking more, drinking less soda and look into what I can do to save/bring in more money.

Wish me luck

PS: My title came from this quote.
To climb steep hills requires slow pace at first.
~William Shakespeare
I would definitely say I have some steep hills to climb :)

Welcome to the new normal

Obviously I have been a bit neglectful (that's probably not a word but I'm gonna use it anyway). This poor blog has just been pushed to the side. I didn't want to come here and announce my failures to the world...so I just ignored it.

Hopefully I will start posting more and actually get the weight off.

I have been pretty proud of myself the past few days. I have walked about 2 miles everyday for the past three days. I must say I am pretty proud of myself. I honestly thought when I started I would only get to the gas station (probably 1/5th of a mile round trip) and I ended up going all the way to the apartments a mile down the road. I just kept pushing myself. My motto has been just one more bench (they have benches set up through out the trail) well today I went 1 more bench further and made it to the grocery store making my trip just over 2 miles!!! It's strange, once I started walking I started to not want the sodas as much. I feel like why do all that damage and just throw my walk away. I will admit I do still have sodas, but I had 2 today and it is "normal" for me to 6 or more. I would say 2 is a definite improvement. I am also sad to say I think I am going through some sort of caffeine withdrawal, the headaches I had today were out of this world but if I keep on eventually that will go away.

Currently I am searching for healthy, yummy recipes. I have a SERIOUS vegetable aversion. I was never made to eat veggies except corn, green beans and peas (although in my adult life I've heard those aren't veggies). Now I have a strange thing about vegetables that has nothing to do with taste and everything to do with texture. When I was younger the only things crunchy I ate were chips and crackers, so the crunch of a carrot stick is just a bit alien to me and honestly makes me gag. I honestly want to be healthy and not just skinny and I know that I will have to eat vegetables so that means finding creative ways to cook them and hide them in recipes.

Anyways I am happy with the direction my new healthier life style is going and I feel like I can stay on this track.

Wish me luck.

Food and Exercise Diary 1/5/2011

I decieded I would try to do better today. Even if I eat the same things some things will be different and hopefully have less calories.

Breakfast 7:45AM:
Maple and brown sugar oatmeal (made with water): 160 calories
1 tsp sugar: 15 calories
8oz apple juice: 110 calories
Breakfast total: 285 calories
I woke up later today than I did yesterday but I was still only midly hungry and fairly content emotionally. Yesterday I ate 175 more calories. I added less sugar and no butter to my oatmeal. I only have one banana left so I am saving it for a snack.

Daily Total: 285 calories

Just like yesterday, I will be in throughout the day to update.

Picture Post 1/4/2011

There I am, looking very unhappy. My husband was goofing around while taking the picture, I asked him to take two I have 9. Those pictures are the last two.

My measurments are:

Bust: 42.5 in

Waist: 40 in

Hips: 47 in

Biceps: 14 in

Thigh: 20in

From now one I will be doing the pictures and measurements on Sunday's with the weigh-ins.

Just for fun here's one of the other pictures my husband took. If you couldn't tell I was thrilled with him at the time.

See you next time,

Marci

Food and Exercise Diary 1/4/2011

I will update this throughout the day. It's easier for me to transfer meals and exercise from my notebook to my blog as soon as possible so I don't forget.

Breakfast 6:00AM:
1 pack Quaker Maple and Brown Sugar Oatmeal(made with water): 160 Calories
2 tsp sugar: 30 calories
1 tbsp butter: 70 calories
1 small banana: 90 calories
8 oz apple juice: 110 calories
Breakfast total: 460 calories
I ate breakfast as soon as I woke up so I was mildly hungry and fairly content emotionally.

Snack #1 8:50AM:
1 small banana: 90 calories
2 tbsp peanut butter: 180 calories
8 oz water: 0 calories
Snack #1 total: 270 calories
I got a bit bored so I felt a little hungry but I don't know if I actually was or just tricked myself into thinking I was. I still feel a bit hungry now but I am trying to space my meals and snacks out so I am only eating every 3 hours. I guess that means lots of water between now and 12.

Lunch 12:00PM:
Handful of Doritos: 150 calories
2 Chicken Sandwiches: 620 calories
Fries: 150 calories
Can of Coke: 140 calories
Lunch Total: 1060 calories
So obviously I didn't do well at lunch time. I was so hungry when it came time to eat that I just ate everything I could. I was bored also so I am sure that played a part also. Lunch also almost put me over my calorie limit.

Snack #2 3:50PM:
1 pack Toast and peanut butter sandwich crackers: 190 calories
Can of Sprite: 140 calories
Snack #2 total: 330 calories
This snack wasn't awesome, could have been worse but for sure could have been better. I was a tad bit hungry and I definitely could have waited to eat. I seem to get very bored throughout the day and that's when I tend to be "hungry."

Dinner 5:15PM
Cheese Ravioli with Alfredo sauce: 350 calories
Sprite: 140 calories
Dinner total: 490 calories
Matt made dinner I wish he would have waited a bit but it's not a big deal. It wasn't and horrible amount of calories and it was tasty. Also although it was pretty close to my last snack I was pretty hungry, thankfully this time I didn't over eat.

Total for the day: 2610 calories

So obviously I went over my calories for the day. I'm not overly concerned though, I am going to keep the mentality that tomorrow is a new day and a clean slate. I don't want to let one day ruin everything like it has in the past.

Exercise 7:00PM:
Played Your Shape: Fitness Evolved for 20 minutes. I did a 10 minute boxing class and did the stepping and boxing games for the other 10 minutes.
Calories burned: 103 calories
After just 20 minutes of exercising I feel GREAT. I am totally happy with the results. This may not be the case but I feel like if I did just 10 minutes more I could have burned 150 calories or more. The only reason I stopped is because my knee started giving me issues. I am thinking I may start doing a session in the morning and one at night. I also drank 2 more glasses of water while working out so that's another positive to working out.

Up next the picture post.

See you there,
Marci

Feeling Down

It seems odd that it's just day 2 and I am so down about my weight. 221 seems like such a big number. Even my first goal of losing 30 pounds seems like such a big feat. I almost feel defeated and I haven't even started. I have to remind myself why I am doing this! I need to come up with a way to hold myself accountable!

So Why am I doing this? Why does this weight NEED to come off? Why is this so important to me? We will start with my marriage. It isn't at it's best right now and I know part of the problem is the lack of intimacy. I don't feel the slightest bit attractive, let alone sexy. That makes it hard to be intimate... I apologize if it's too much information but it isn't pleasant to constantly be thinking about how unattractive you are when your husband obviously wants you to feel otherwise. Next we can talk about my son. Even at just 8.5 months old I can already tell he will be an active little boy. He loves to be the center of attention and he loves to move. He is already a bit of a handful but a wonderfully fun handful. It makes me so sad to think of how things may be when he's older and mommy can't play because she is too winded or moves to slow. Last I can tell you about my confidence. Everyday I go out in jeans and a hoodie or t-shirt, not because I don't have cute clothes (I do have plenty of cute clothes) but because I don't feel like anything looks good on me. I don't bother with hair and make up because I feel like the rest of me looks bad so why bother with my hair or make up.

Those are 3 great reasons I know I need to do this. As for keeping myself accountable I have a small plan for that also. Starting tomorrow I am going to keep a food diary and I will also be posting it on here. I will also do the same with exercise. Also starting tomorrow I will post a current picture of myself every Tuesday. It won't be a picture I've tried to make just right so I hide all the unsatisfactory parts. It will be a picture that shows all parts of me, good and bad.

Well that's the plan for my big change we will see how it goes!

Until next time,
Marci

New Year, New Me

I know the title of this post is SUCH a cliche but that's my goal: a new me in the new year.

Weight has been a struggle for me since I was 12. I was told by my then step-mother that I needed to go on a diet. Her comment came after I was trying on some clothes that were given to us by another family with a 12 year old girl and NONE of them fit. They were all little girl sizes and I was in Juniors sizes. I immediately went to my room and started digging through clothes and tried on EVERY pair of little girls sized pants I had and finally found a pair that I could button. I was so excited, I couldn't breathe but they buttoned. I waddled (because waddling was the only way I was getting anywhere in those jeans) out to show my step mother. "Look! They fit!" I piratically screamed. She laughed and pointed out what I already knew, they buttoned but they didn't fit. I waddled back to my room, peeled the pants off, and laid on my bed a cried. Once I was done crying and was sure she wasn't still out there, I ran to the pantry, where Little Debbie helped me drown my sorrows.

Middle School was torture for me. I remember the day of my 7th grade Valentine's Dance more than anything. It was the first dance I had actually gotten all dolled up for. Since the dance started at 3 and we were released from class at 2:45, I wore my dance outfit to school. It was a red plaid skirt with a red turtle neck sweater, I really thought I looked good. Apparently not everyone thought I did. I was sitting in my English class and raised my hand to ask a question and heard the guy next to me start giggling. I thought he was chatting with his friend but once the teacher answered my question and I went back to work, he tapped me on the shoulder. I thought he had a question about the work, he didn't. He just wanted to make sure I knew not to raise my hand anymore because my fat "toppled" out when I did. He even included the sound that he imagined my fat made. I considered not going to the dance but how would I explain that to my mom?

Middle School was bad but High School was worse. I had the "bad luck" to choose a gorgeous best friend. Her 110 pounds was soo tiny compared to my 130 pounds. We spent our summers at the pool. She never wore anything but a bikini, I made sure my stomach was covered with a one piece or tankini. One day we were sitting at a table by the pool with the guys we always hung out with. One came up with a way to make the pool even better, to get rid of the fat people. Then he said, "We can start here at this table." I knew before he went any further he was talking about me, but he made it clear when he went around the table saying "You can stay" to everyone but me. He told me, "you can go." I was so hurt. I hung out with this guy almost every day and he was telling me the pool would be better without me all because I was "fat."

The thing I realize now is 130 was not fat for me. I was 5'7" and 130 was actually a healthy weight for me. I look at the pictures from back then and now I like how I looked. Sure I could have used some toning but I didn't look bad at all. So 130 is my ultimate goal. I also have a couple smaller weight loss goals and fitness and eating goals.

Weight Loss Goals:
Current weight: 221lbs
Goal 1: 190lbs by April 15th (my son's Birthday)
Goal 2: 160lbs by August 23rd (My 3rd wedding anniversary)
Total Goal: 130lbs by January 1st 2012

Fitness Goals:
Run a mile
Do 100 sit ups
Do 100 push ups

Eating/Food Goals:
Eat 1500-1800 calories a day
Drink 64oz of water
Cook from scratch 4 times a week

I have to be honest here and say this week my food goals won't be met because we just went grocery shopping and didn't get a lot of healthy options and we don't have the money in the budget to go shopping again.

See you next time!
Marci