Feeling Down

It seems odd that it's just day 2 and I am so down about my weight. 221 seems like such a big number. Even my first goal of losing 30 pounds seems like such a big feat. I almost feel defeated and I haven't even started. I have to remind myself why I am doing this! I need to come up with a way to hold myself accountable!

So Why am I doing this? Why does this weight NEED to come off? Why is this so important to me? We will start with my marriage. It isn't at it's best right now and I know part of the problem is the lack of intimacy. I don't feel the slightest bit attractive, let alone sexy. That makes it hard to be intimate... I apologize if it's too much information but it isn't pleasant to constantly be thinking about how unattractive you are when your husband obviously wants you to feel otherwise. Next we can talk about my son. Even at just 8.5 months old I can already tell he will be an active little boy. He loves to be the center of attention and he loves to move. He is already a bit of a handful but a wonderfully fun handful. It makes me so sad to think of how things may be when he's older and mommy can't play because she is too winded or moves to slow. Last I can tell you about my confidence. Everyday I go out in jeans and a hoodie or t-shirt, not because I don't have cute clothes (I do have plenty of cute clothes) but because I don't feel like anything looks good on me. I don't bother with hair and make up because I feel like the rest of me looks bad so why bother with my hair or make up.

Those are 3 great reasons I know I need to do this. As for keeping myself accountable I have a small plan for that also. Starting tomorrow I am going to keep a food diary and I will also be posting it on here. I will also do the same with exercise. Also starting tomorrow I will post a current picture of myself every Tuesday. It won't be a picture I've tried to make just right so I hide all the unsatisfactory parts. It will be a picture that shows all parts of me, good and bad.

Well that's the plan for my big change we will see how it goes!

Until next time,
Marci