New Year, New Me

I know the title of this post is SUCH a cliche but that's my goal: a new me in the new year.

Weight has been a struggle for me since I was 12. I was told by my then step-mother that I needed to go on a diet. Her comment came after I was trying on some clothes that were given to us by another family with a 12 year old girl and NONE of them fit. They were all little girl sizes and I was in Juniors sizes. I immediately went to my room and started digging through clothes and tried on EVERY pair of little girls sized pants I had and finally found a pair that I could button. I was so excited, I couldn't breathe but they buttoned. I waddled (because waddling was the only way I was getting anywhere in those jeans) out to show my step mother. "Look! They fit!" I piratically screamed. She laughed and pointed out what I already knew, they buttoned but they didn't fit. I waddled back to my room, peeled the pants off, and laid on my bed a cried. Once I was done crying and was sure she wasn't still out there, I ran to the pantry, where Little Debbie helped me drown my sorrows.

Middle School was torture for me. I remember the day of my 7th grade Valentine's Dance more than anything. It was the first dance I had actually gotten all dolled up for. Since the dance started at 3 and we were released from class at 2:45, I wore my dance outfit to school. It was a red plaid skirt with a red turtle neck sweater, I really thought I looked good. Apparently not everyone thought I did. I was sitting in my English class and raised my hand to ask a question and heard the guy next to me start giggling. I thought he was chatting with his friend but once the teacher answered my question and I went back to work, he tapped me on the shoulder. I thought he had a question about the work, he didn't. He just wanted to make sure I knew not to raise my hand anymore because my fat "toppled" out when I did. He even included the sound that he imagined my fat made. I considered not going to the dance but how would I explain that to my mom?

Middle School was bad but High School was worse. I had the "bad luck" to choose a gorgeous best friend. Her 110 pounds was soo tiny compared to my 130 pounds. We spent our summers at the pool. She never wore anything but a bikini, I made sure my stomach was covered with a one piece or tankini. One day we were sitting at a table by the pool with the guys we always hung out with. One came up with a way to make the pool even better, to get rid of the fat people. Then he said, "We can start here at this table." I knew before he went any further he was talking about me, but he made it clear when he went around the table saying "You can stay" to everyone but me. He told me, "you can go." I was so hurt. I hung out with this guy almost every day and he was telling me the pool would be better without me all because I was "fat."

The thing I realize now is 130 was not fat for me. I was 5'7" and 130 was actually a healthy weight for me. I look at the pictures from back then and now I like how I looked. Sure I could have used some toning but I didn't look bad at all. So 130 is my ultimate goal. I also have a couple smaller weight loss goals and fitness and eating goals.

Weight Loss Goals:
Current weight: 221lbs
Goal 1: 190lbs by April 15th (my son's Birthday)
Goal 2: 160lbs by August 23rd (My 3rd wedding anniversary)
Total Goal: 130lbs by January 1st 2012

Fitness Goals:
Run a mile
Do 100 sit ups
Do 100 push ups

Eating/Food Goals:
Eat 1500-1800 calories a day
Drink 64oz of water
Cook from scratch 4 times a week

I have to be honest here and say this week my food goals won't be met because we just went grocery shopping and didn't get a lot of healthy options and we don't have the money in the budget to go shopping again.

See you next time!
Marci