Getting help

As you could probably tell from my previous post I am having some issues. The not fun, feeling crazy kind of issues. However until this morning it hadn't occurred to me that maybe I needed to get some help.

This morning I woke up not just tired but "sad." I use the word sad here because that's what it felt like but since I was just waking up and haven't had any "sad" events in my life lately there really was no reason to be sad. Depressed may have worked but I wasn't just feeling down I was feeling like crying as if I had lost my best friend. With this sad feeling I got up, got dressed and went to work. Around 7:20 my Boss/MIL texted to tell me she would be working from home today. Which enough to bring me to tears because "It's just not fair."

Let me stop here and say until about 3 weeks ago I was working from home with my baby everyday. Then my family moved back home to be closer to our extended family, thinking it would be best for our son. It was then decided I have to come in to work. I was disappointed, very disappointed but I do it.

Back on track: Even with that tid bit of info above, I knew crying because life's not fair was an irrational response. It was at that point I realized I tend to have irrational emotional responses to many things. Such as my husband asking me to throw something away, I know he's not calling me lazy but I feel like he is. Things like that make me feel like something isn't right. In my head I know after the fact that the response is inappropriate but in the moment it feels right enough that I try to defend it.

So Monday I have an appointment to talk with a doctor about depression. I am so nervous. It is hard not to feel crazy. I am not sure exactly what will be done for me. I worry about medication simply because birth control throws me way out of wack and that makes me wonder about other medications meant to effect moods. Even with these concerns I know it's a step in the right direction.